Chuck "Bowl-o-Rama" Sizemore, EXPOZED. With a "Z," Bitch.

As part of this introductory acting class I'm taking, I've gotta take one of Shakespeare's sonnets (Number 69) and create a character from a alternate time and place to fill the shoes of the person delivering the poem. I also have to create a context for the poem's message. So here it is.

Given Circumstances/Character Biography

Sonnet 69

Intro

My character’s name is Chuck “Bowl-O-Rama” Sizemore, born Charles Chapsworthy Sizemore III, a 36 year old construction worker, Gulf War veteran, and citizen of the city of New Jersey, New Jersey, a quaint industrial hamlet along the Jersey shore. The year is 2007.

Family

Born in the same region where he lives currently to a reasonably functional blue collar family in 1971, Chuck maintains a good relationship with Ma and Pa Sizemore, as well as with his twin sister Adrian. He was raised Catholic, and while he still identifies himself as such, he is not a particularly religious fellow. His immediate clan lives locally, a la Everybody Loves Raymond. The only exception to this rather acceptable family dynamic is his older brother, Reginald “JD” Sizemore, aliased in police records due to his affinity for the whiskey that goes by the same pair of initials. JD Sizemore was last seen robbing a taqueria after spray painting the word “Balls” on The World’s Largest Limestone-Carved Likeness of Richard Nixon across the street in Salisbury, Tennessee.

Work and Pass Times

Chuck bowls frequently with his buddies, attributing him to his nickname. He idolizes the character of Walter from The Big Labowski, though he has yet to draw a firearm during league play, and he is in considerably better shape. He has been in a few fights however, and while Chuck may be a little rough around the edges, most if not all these fights were started by his friends or people who his friends managed to cross at the local dive bar scene.

He has had a steady job in construction since the late nineties, and for the most part is satisfied with his line of work. Like many veterans, he experienced some difficulty acclimating to civilian life after his honorable discharge from the Navy. Due to this, his employment status was very erratic before he landed a job in construction.

Military History

Chuck enlisted with the Marines in 1989, due to a certain restlessness and a desire to be “badass.” He was one of the few American casualties during the Gulf War: In the final month of the conflict, he was shot in the foot by a drunken Seabee, and required about 15 months of physical therapy before reaching full recovery. Similarly, one of his best war buddies was killed by friendly fire (not his own). And that’s all I got to say about that.

Relationship History

Chuck was a bit of a jock in high school. He played football and picked up a cheerleader for a girlfriend. Her name was Cindy Hasselhoff. David Hasselhoff was her uncle. She had his chin. After high school, they had to call it off as Cindy went to college and Chuck joined the service. Cindy dropped out during her Sophomore year and became a groupie for Guns ‘N Roses. Since then, Chuck hasn’t heard much of her.

Chuck also dated his physical therepist’s personal assistant, whom he met during his recovery. Her name was Georgia Seightzmare. They were very much in love, and Chuck asked for her hand in marriage. She accepted. Then, a disastrous discovery was made that would plunge Chuck into the darkest period of his life. A blood test showed some bizarre genetic similarities between him and his fiancée. A genealogist, hired by Georgia’s suspicious parents, confirmed that the Seightzmare family was in fact a long lost arm of the Sizemore family. (“Seightzmare” was actually a non-Americanized version of “Sizemore” that hadn’t been bastardized by immigration officials at Ellis Island.) Lo and behold, Georgia was actually Chuck’s cousin. This unfortunate discovery pushed Chuck into a heavy depression that can also be attributed to his difficulty in finding a steady job after the war.

After Chuck found work and smoothed his life out a bit, he engaged in a few short-lived relationships that didn’t amount to much. Then, one year before present day, Chuck met a special someone at the local Hooters, the establishment that he and his colleagues often frequented after work. Her name was Carletta Howitzer, a waitress who had just transferre from the restaurant in Pittsburg. Carletta is the person to whom the sonnet is addressed.

Carletta’s Transgressions

These are the events that lead up to the statements that Mr. Sizemore made in the sonnet.

One day after work, Sizemore and a few of his construction buddies arrived at the local Hooters after a hard day constructing a municipal water foul sanctuary to find that there was a new girl on the job. Carletta had recently transferred from the Pittsburg restaurant, and immediately caught Chuck’s eye. The usually flirting that occurs between the waitresses and the clientele ensued, however it came to a head when Carletta offered Mr. Chuck Sizemore a blowjob. You know, the drink. From the bar. It was on her. They have a bar at Hooters.

One of the fastest ways to Chuck’s heart was always through his liver, and thus the relationship only grew more substantial from there. Soon they were dating regularly. Sizemore thought he’d finally found someone as special as the woman who turned out to be his cousin years ago.

Then the piranha of betrayal leapt from the lake of deception and bit Chuck upon his unsuspecting love-struck buttocks. Or something. At any rate, Carletta was actually a contracted professional identity thief, and had managed to acquire Sizemore’s PIN and Social Security number, selling them off to the highest bidder. To add insult to injury, she had also sold Sizemore’s email address to Chinese spammers who specialized in products related to “Natural Male Enhancement.” Suffice it to say, Chuck’s email inbox was flooded beyond capacity with scores of grammatically incorrect adds. In one final confrontation delivered during peak hours at Hooters, Chuck delivered the message of Sonnet 69 to Carletta, and then proceeded to grab a six year old's birthday cake off a table and throw it in her face. What kind of parent takes their kid to Hooter's for his birthday anyway?