Goodyear Blimp Diagnosed with Anorexia

Goodyear officials announced in a press conference yesterday that their beloved blimp has been diagnosed with anorexia. "Our suspicions arose about two months ago, when we noticed that the blimp's structural ribbing was showing much more prominently than usual. It's all gone downhill since," said Goodyear press representative Jim Hatfield.

Many experts blame the portrayal of unrealistically thin airframes on television and in magazines for the recent spike in flying machine eating disorders. "Just look at the once-glamorous and startlingly slim supersonic Concorde airliner," said leading medical expert Sarah McArthur, "that is one waft-like airplane, to an extent that's just unhealthy. They grounded that jet for a reason."

Additionally, TV coverage of the lithe and slender fighter jets utilized by Coalition forces in Iraq and Afghanistan have also lead some of the chunkier aircraft to develop body-image issues. "When you look at what's on the runway today, the name of the game seems to be thin and angular. Just look at the tiny airframe on the F-22 Raptor. No wonder it doesn't show up on enemy radar." says McArthur.

Even in the face of its popularity, not all flight enthusiasts are "in" to "thin." "When I'm experiencing turbulence, I like a little something I can grab on to, you know?" states frequent flier Michael Donovan. "Say what you will about the glories of being thin, but I know what puts my tray table in its upright and locked position."

Some major manufacturers are releasing new models that seem to defy the slim paradigm, like Boeing with its "more-to-love" 787 Dreamliner and Airbus' "voluptuous" A-380.

Even so, the plight of the Goodyear Blimp endures. "We all think Goody B. is beautiful just the way it is," says Hatfield, "but when that blimp looks at itself in a mirror, it sees an enormous, bloated, and cumbersome aircraft that requires an immense gasbag just to haul around a tiny 8 seat compartment. These notions are clearly all a matter of negative body image, and reflect nothing of reality."

The Goodyear blimp could not be reached for comment, as it was locked in the bathroom purging large amounts of helium into the atmosphere.