A Tale of Redemption and the Triumph of the Human Spirit

Allow me to impart an age old tale of wisdom upon you. This story has taken many forms, and the version I am about to tell has been adapted to a modern setting. Nonetheless, the message remains the same.

A young man was driving through the famously convoluted streets of San Francisco, trying to find the freeway. He and his one passenger, a friend of his, had grown quite weary in the process. Eventually he came upon a sign that pointed him towards an on ramp, which he almost missed because there was a large shrub growing in front of it.

In frustration, the young wayward soul did proclaim, "Somebody oughta tell the feminists who run this town to shave back that bush!"

To which his friend replied, "You are truly an awful person."

And you know what? The person who was driving that car on that fateful day... was me.

THE END

....

But really now, was that so bad? I mean, on the scale of awfulness, what I said couldn't have been too terrible, right? Imagine what Hitler would have said if he was driving down the street and saw a Jewish guy standing in front of that sign. That's right, he would probably have told a very crude and lowbrow holocaust joke! Terrible.

You see? Hitler... now there's a nasty guy. I'm certainly not as bad as he was.

Look, I'm a class act all the way. Everything about me just reeks of good taste. Example: When I pee in the shower, I always take care not to hit any of my roommates shampoo bottles or bars of soap. Admittedly, if I happen to be jerkin' the gerkin' in the same setting, I have considerably less control over where the ordinance lands. But really, that's just nature. And nature is beautiful. Case closed.

See, right there I could have made a joke about misguided ordinance in Iraq, but I didn't. Actually, I did, but then I erased it and wrote this instead.