HOLY SHIT! I HIT AN OLD MAN TODAY! (And it wasn't my fault either!)

Normally I don't make posts that directly focus on single events that have occured in my life. If I ever relay a personal annecdote, it's usually to make some broader point. Well, not today. Today I'm pulling a livejournal and spouting in full about an actual event that has occured, however, I will spare you the usual self-pitying commentary that follows the typical livejournal entry.

It all began as innocuously as you could imagine. My brother and I had just left the house in my recently aquired Honda Civic Si (my baby as of late) to head over to Circuit City in Concord with the goal of finding a birthday present for my dad. Before we left town, however, I needed to drop off some DVDs at Blockbuster. Mission accomplished, DVD's delivered, we began to head out of the shopping center parking lot.

In said parking lot there is an intersection that occurs just before you reach the main road. At this intersection, the road crossing mine has stop signs, while the one I was on doesn't, so I was free to roll through without stopping like I've done a million times before.

Well, this old guy who had just stopped at the crossing street apparently didn't notice I was there and began to roll on through, just as I was entering the intersection. I slammed on the breaks, but to no avail. With a screaching of tires and that classic colliding-vehicle crunch noise, the front of my car went into his Mercedes' driver side door at about 15 miles per hour.

Here's where it really gets interesting. You know how people usually pull over immediately after an accident and exchange the necessary information? Well, this guy didn't. With a bewildered look on his face, he just kept rolling through the crossing at about the same speed he was before, as if nothing had happened! He didn't gun it or anything, he just kept moving right along as though he hadn't experienced the abrupt jarring impact which had left a large metal crater in the side of his car. In fact, for about 2 seconds, his seemingly nonchalant approach to the whole situation left me wondering if there had been any accident! But upon quickly observing the mangled side of his gradually receding vehicle, I reaffirmed that an accident had in fact just happened.

Still, for about 10 seconds my brother and I sat in the middle of the intersection growing more amazed as we came to realize he wasn't pulling over, and quickly resolved to chase after him. He continued casually through the shopping center, and we caught up with him fairly easily, without having to drive at unsafe speeds. But he kept going! Eventually, we were turning back out onto a major street.

We stopped behind him at a red light. "YOU HIT US, YOU HAVE TO PULL OVER!" my brother yelled out the window. As the light turned green and he made a left turn, we realized this wasn't going to happen.

And this is where I got my chance to be Steve McQueen for about 10 seconds. The old man, having just turned on to the main road through town, was nearing an area where the two lane street merged into one. I only had a few moments to move along side him and try to get the message across. I dropped it into second and, unleashing the Japanese fury of 160 horses of raw rice rocket power, swooped around to pace him from his left side. Once again, my brother yelled out the window for him to pull over. This time, a look of realization appeared on his face (or was it grudging acceptance?) and at last he complied.

So we're at last pulled over, and we get out of my car and approach his. He rolls his window down about half way and says something along the lines of, "I stop and look both ways, I don't see you!" First, I notice he's got an accent, Eastern European I think. This is just great, not only is this guy old and confused, but his English isn't all that wonderful either. Second, I notice that with the way he's saying this, he means to imply it's not his fault. I tell him, calmly, that we need to exchange liscences, insurance info, and phone numbers etc, and he repeats the same thing again, still not getting out of his car. I didn't bother to ask him why he didn't stop, because I got the distinct impression it was because he was just a confused old man. In retrospect, who knows?

Ben was beginning to get pissed, and I was beginning to feel a sense of dismay regarding the whole situation, when a cop rolls by. Thank you Jesus! I'd never been so happy to see a cop in my life. We flagged him down.

We described the whole situation to the cop, and after the old man finally got out of his car as per the officer's request, he didn't seem to contest what happened. Even so, the guy kept insisting that he'd "Looked both ways" as though this exonerated him of fault, when fault was clearly his. He also kept mentioning how we "came out of nowhere," as though I'd negligently forgotten to turn off my Honda's cloaking device or something.

Since we couldn't officially agree on who's fault it was (though everyone present except for the old man knew it was his), the cop had to write a police report describing what happened, and it was clear that it would be in our favor. As for the damage, nobody was hurt, even slightly, which was good. My car, up until then in excellent condition, now sports a mangled bumper, a bent grill, and somehow, due to complex forces of impact I can't hope to understand, a nice big spider web of a crack in the windshield. Oh well. At least that guy's insurance will pay for it. I hope.

In brighter news, my family just got a puppy. His name is Duncan.

Hey Celebrities: Please Shut the Hell Up

I hate celebrity gossip. I don't give a damn about who's humping who in Hollywood, the fact that some actress named her brat kid after a fruit, or how high Tom Cruise managed to jump on Oprah's couch while professing his insane love for What's-Her-Face. Somebody give me one good reason why I should give a rat's ass's pimple about what's going on in the lives of these people, or especially, what they have to say. I don't know them personally, and I sure as hell don't have any reason to trust them. I just see them fairly regularly in the checkout line at Safeway... and in the movies... and on TV.

Even so, it's strange that the things celebrities talk about are so important to people, because I find that you can get better advise and perspective from your parents or maybe the seat of a crapper than you can from Tom Cruise or Justin Timberlake.

For example, we all know, or should I say, we've all been forced to know, about Tom Cruise's ridiculous opinions regarding what a sham the entire field of psychiatry is. Instead, everyone needs to read Dianetics! The answer lies within this text! I agree that the answer does lie within, but only when you've run out of toilet paper. HAHA!!! ZING.

I've pretty much gotten to the point where whenever a celebrity starts to bring politics or religeon into something where it shouldn't be, which is quite common, I just tune out. The other day, I happened to see Justin Timberlake on TV, discussing his part in Janet Jackson's "Wardrobe Malfunction." The interviewer asked the man if he could have done a better job in defending Janet Jackson during her testimony to the FCC. Basically, Justin started trying to articulate a point that didn't really exist by flying circles around the issue at hand and unelloquently attempting to dodge the question. I remember him making some meaningless statement about him being an "artist" who's part of an "artistic community" with "responsibilities." Whatever that means. Then he paused and said, "But you know, when I think about it, I realize that they haven't found the weapons of mass destruction yet..."

This is where I left the room with an acute desire to kick a small dog. Where in God's name does that statement fit into anything? No wonder they haven't found any weapons of mass destruction... They must have already been detonated inside Justin Timberlake's pretty boy brain!

A couple of weeks ago I went to a Santana concert. Before I begin, let me first say that I have enormous respect for Carlos Santana as a musician and from what I know of him, no problem with him as a person. Even so, while the show was great and everything, he still had to go and make out-of-nowhere comments about how much George Bush sucks between a couple of songs, to the immense satisfaction of the majority of the audience. Carlos, I love you man, and I was never a fan of G'dub, but please, shut the hell up and play your guitar. It's what you're good at. I didn't come to this concert for any political commentary. I mean, what the hell was the point of saying that anyway? Based on the resounding shouts of approval that rocketed through the Concord Pavillion that night, you were only preaching to the choir.

So here's my message to celebrities, and I know they're listening (pfff): If you are an actor, act. If you are a musician, musicify- i mean, play music. And if you're an athlete, play ball and lay off the steroids. But don't think that your fame and fortune makes any of you a worthwhile commentator on issues outside your realm of expertise. Just because you can say something that everyone will hear doesn't give you the right to run your mouth regarding things you know nothing more about (or perhaps less) than the average person.

Leave the political commentary to the experts. Like me. Ha.