Another Letter!

Okay, here's the deal. Last Spring I applied for a seven day meal plan at the dining hall, which I've realized was stupid because I have an on-campus apartment and can (more or less) cook for myself now, or at least force my roommates do it for me at gun point.

Today I wrote a letter requesting to downgrade to the cheaper and much more reasonable 55 day meal plan, but after reading the Dining Services Web Site, I caught a whiff of an impending run in with the uniquely abominable bureaucracy that saturates the administration of the University of California. (I've had problems with it before, just read some of my previous stuff, especially, "The UC's Administration is Over Run With Souless Bureaucrats").
Well, through the following email, in which I request a meal plan downgrade, I decided I'd try to nip the growth of any red tape in the bud. Read on, Grasshopper!

To Whom it May Concern,

Hi there. Currently I am a junior living in the College 9 apartments who holds a 7 day meal plan. Over the past few weeks, I have come to realize that such an extensive plan is unnecessary, and would like to downgrade to a 55 day meal plan instead. If you are planning to acquiesce, read no further; just let me know if there's anything else I have to do.

If this is going to be more complicated, or in other words, if you plan on telling me I can't downgrade, keep reading.

Your web site reads, "Requests to downgrade meal plans will be reviewed on a case-by-case basis and approved for exceptional circumstances only." I assure you, sir or maddam, that this is a very exceptional case. Using mind control rays, the evil Bush Administration forced me to apply for a seven day plan last Spring against my own free will thanks to the Patriot Act and Military Recruiters on Campus. This was all part of a hair brained scheme to jump start the economy before the midterm elections. I was almost able to resist through sheer force of will power, however my girlfriend broke up with me and my need to eat massive amounts of greasy pizza when I'm depressed turned the cards in favor of the Dub'ya Mind Control Array.

If you doubt the validity of this letter, know only this: I do sincerely want to downgrade my meal plan. Please don't make me wade through miles of bureaucratic garbage to do this one simple thing. I've had to before, and it sure as heck ain't pleasant!

Thank you for your time,

Oliver M. Perez
Valued Customer of 2 Years.


P.S Seriously, don't make me jump through any hoops unless they lead directly to a downgrade. Thanks!

I'll post their response, hopefully it will be interesting.

Oh, and I assure you that everything in this letter is completely true, except the bit about the girlfriend. I've never had one; most girls can smell tiny penis from a mile away.

What?